Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
