if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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