it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
