Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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