TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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