You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
