Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
