You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we're making bets on your personal life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
