You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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