So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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