Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
