Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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