May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
