We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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