He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
