Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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