I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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