I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
