Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
