Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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