Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
