I think my vagina is haunted
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
