I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
