I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
