I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
