tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
