I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
