batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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