he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
