You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.