Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
