I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background