I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.