break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?