I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
