I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
