How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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