I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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