Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
