sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
