I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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