Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
