he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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