Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
