Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
