Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
