No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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