im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
