dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
