My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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