i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
