I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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