this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
