I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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