I CAN MOONWALK!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
