All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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