Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
