and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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