Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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