Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
