i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
