You can't special order awesome
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
