Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
