My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize