"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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