apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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