i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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