I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
