Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to make out with him forever
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
