If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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